Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Up and Running

Oh my god. It's here. And fully working. And by "it" I obviously mean my website. I still have little things to tweak, like adding my twitter and changing the dotted border around the thumbnails...but it's done. And live.

I will no longer be posting on this here blogger site...please check out my new and improved website here! (www.colleenkatana.com)

Is it weird that I'm physically NERVOUS to be launching this new site?? Because I am. Sweaty and nervous.

Thursday, October 9, 2008


The music was pounding and so was my head. The alcohol flowing through my veins helped me ignore the pain throbbing against my temple. Setting the glass of red wine back onto the stained tablecloth, I headed toward the dance floor, pulling on the bra part of my strapless bridesmaid gown.

I passed a group of people I had met the night before at the rehearsal dinner and could hear them talking. One girl named Yaz wore a hideously loud dress with large hot pink and yellow Hawaiian flowers plastered around the entirety of it. It was almost as obnoxious as she was. She had dark olive skin and black hair down to her curvy waist. And I’m being quite generous by using the word “curvy.” Many other words come to mind, but I’ll keep this politically correct.

She threw her head back flipping her long hair into my face. I spat it out. It tasted like hairspray.

“This was a nice wedding. Exactly how I’d want mine to be but, you know, without all that religious stuff.” Her nose was high in the air.

Missy nodded uncomfortably, trying to smile. She straightened out her crisp, white wedding gown and said meekly, “Well, uh…I’m religious. So, it’s not exactly silly to me.”

“Well compared to the Muslim religion it is. I just don’t get all of your traditions.
I mean, today really sucked for me, ya know?” she continued, “I just had to wait around while Mattie here took pictures and did all those groomsman things.” She grabbed the lanky groomsman around the waist and pulled him into her. “And I just know he missed me, too.”

Yeah, I thought, like a fratboy misses syphilis.

Hearing Bon Jovi being blared, I ran over to rescue Missy. “C’mon!” I yelled, “It’s our song!” I grabbed her hand and started pulling her to the dance floor, away from Yaz’s passive aggressive insults.

I rolled my eyes, shaking my head as my hips swayed to the music. “Oh my God,” she could barely hear me over the music, “Can you believe her?”

Missy nodded. “I know. It’s like this at every event. She just hates not being the center of attention.”

“Well, so do I. But I think I can take a backseat when it’s someone’s WEDDING day!” I spoke sarcastically and mockingly threw my short hair over my right shoulder in a “diva” like manner.

Just then Yaz entered the dance floor, dragging her boyfriend behind her with her left hand. With the right, she carried a glass of red wine. She walked unsteadily in platform based 4-inch heels. I could tell she was the type who wore heels a lot to impress people, but didn’t actually know how to walk in them. You know the type I’m talking about…they walk toe-to-heel while wearing them instead of heel-to-toe. As she got to the center, she turned to face her boyfriend and lost her balance falling ass first to the floor. With her legs above her head, her dress slipped up around her unmentionables and not only did I get a clear glimpse of her ass crack, but also of her thigh cellulite. It felt like everything was happening in slow motion when she looked up just as the red wine from her drink came splashing down into her face.

Missy ran over out of obligation and I followed closely behind. So to get a good photograph of the moment. She cursed as she stood. “Fuck!” she spat angrily, “Fuck this fucking dance floor to Hell!” She pushed her boyfriend aside and stormed off leaving the rest of us standing there stunned. And me, standing there smiling.

Missy turned to me, eyes wide. “Uh, what do I do now?”

I shrugged. “Dance?”

“Don’t I have to go say something to her?”

“Yeah, I guess that would be the polite thing to do,” I nodded. Missy turned to walk away. “Hey Missy…” I said before she got to far away.

She turned back around to face me. “Yeah?”

“Do Muslims believe in Kismet?”

“I don’t know. Why?”

“Because I think Yaz just met my good friend, Karma. And yes—Karma can be a bitch.”

Monday, September 29, 2008

One of those days...

My alarm didn't go off, a mouse ran across the living room, Luna threw up twice and I ran out of hair gel. It must be Monday.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

A Puppy In Need

My dear friend David is asking...no, scratch that...pleading for people's help. He needs a new home for his 8-year old beautiful dog, Jasmine. This poor dog has a tragic past and so deserves a wonderful, loving home.

Two years ago, David was moving to the city where Jasmine would not have been happy. Being used to farms and space, it would have been a tough transition for her. Reluctantly, he handed her over to his best friend to care for while he was away. Tragically, David's best friend was killed in a car accident at the hands of a drunk driver last year. Since this tragic occurrence, Jasmine has been in and out of the animal hospital and foster homes. She contracted ring worm (which has now been cured) and though she still has patches of fur missing, her face is still as beautiful and sweet as the day I met her.

However, Jasmine, like most dogs, is not perfect. As a result of an abusive foster home, she no longer gets along with other dogs and very young children. Older kids are fine, so long as they are gentle and don't tug her tail and ears and pick at her scars from ringworm. (Yes, the hellion three-year old did this and the parents did nothing to stop her)

But let me also tell you the wonderful things about this dog. I remember Jasmine from college. She is adorable and gentle. Some kind of yellow lab mix (on the smaller side...maybe 45-50lbs). She loves people and is such a calm, sweet dog. She's very low maintenance, especially in the right lifestyle. If I could take her, I would do so in a heartbeat.

So, please, I beg...I plead...does anyone want to give this dog the home, love and life she deserves? Please ask around...ask friends and family. I don't want to see Jasmine live the remainder of her life in a shelter.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Busy as a Beaver

What is that expression about anyway? "Busy as a beaver." Are beavers busy?? Do they have deadlines and doctor's appointments and lunch dates and an unhealthy obsession to watch every week's Grey's Anatomy?

Anyway, things here in KatanaLand have been super busy. I just returned from my best friend's wedding out in Portland and let me tell you...it was a great time. Expensive as hell to get there but so much fun! I love her family so much...they remind me of my own.

So, now I'm back and there will be no more traveling for quite some time. In fact, I managed to get myself a part time job as an editorial assistant for Kensington Books. This job (even though I am only into my second day there) is all that I had hoped it would be. I love publishing even more than I thought I would. Even though it's only been a couple of days, there is no doubt in my mind that this is the correct career path. I sat in on a meeting with all the editors today and it's amazing to me what their thought processes are. Nothing like what I had read or imagined. The reasons for turning down some books are so asinine I can hardly believe it. And at one point they were excited that one author didn't have agent...umm, I thought that was HUGELY taboo. But apparently only for the BAD authors is this taboo.

The hardest part about getting back into a (somewhat consistent) work routine...is this whole getting up early thing. Seriously, who would have thought it would be so difficult to get dressed each morning. It's quite a difference from my normal sweatpants and Old Navy shirt, but I suppose it's time to start being an adult again. I've begun choosing my clothes the night before after a disastrous first day of wearing two different socks. I don't think anyone actually noticed the sock debacle, but even so...it's not something I'm willing to risk again. Tomorrow I will be wearing my satin geometric dress. I think it will help me to stand out at the office--and not only because it's something my crazy Aunt Donna would wear to a wake.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Book Recommendation: The Dangerous Days of Daniel X

The Dangerous Days of Daniel X

Something I hate to admit to my adult friends is that I loved the Harry Potter books. Every last one of them. Yes, I am a 25 year old nerd…I have accepted it, so I suggest that you, dear readers, accept it too.

So, when I received James Patterson’s latest book,
The Dangerous Days of Daniel X to review, I was pretty excited…despite the fact that it’s meant to be a YA Fantasy book. Patterson, being a father himself, wrote the book to inspire young boys to read more. A noble effort on his part, I believe.

The Dangerous Days of Daniel X is about “a boy who has always used his hidden superpowers to survive, but he carries with him a deadly secret and the fate of the world rests on whether he succeeds at his mission”. Now, if you’re anything like me, this quote won’t do a whole lot for you. Essentially, it’s about a boy with serious superpowers who is on a quest to avenge the death of his parents…and save the world while he’s at it.

This book (available here on amazon.com) was a very quick read for me and the number one praise I have for Patterson are the short chapters. In a world of ADD kids, these short chapters make reading easy and enjoyable again. Especially for pre-teen boys, who we all know aren’t typically big readers. It’s definitely the kind of book your son (or daughter) will enjoy but won’t make you cringe while reading it with them.

At times, it was a little cheesy with some dialogue that was hard for me to swallow. Yes, I know I’m an adult and that’s why the use of the word “butt” instead of “ass” feels forced to me. However, I probably wouldn’t feel the same way about the language back when I was 10 years old…nor would I feel it was too tame if I had a 10-year old reading said tame language. Also, some of the supernatural lingo took a while for me to pick up and understand…but again, I blame the fact that I’m an old fart.

These two very small criticisms aside, I still feel strongly that this book was very clever and at times I found it so suspenseful that I didn’t even want to put it down at some chapter breaks! The plot is sharp and the ending was actually unexpected…something I find can be rare in YA books.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Brilliant Costume Ideas

The Boyfriend!: We could dress up as our dogs for Halloween.

Me: Like I'll be Luna and you'll be Red?

The Boyfriend!: Exactly. I'll spend the whole night begging for food and licking my ass.

Me: And I'll constantly follow you, jumping up and biting your neck.

The Boyfriend!: You'll also have to start barking at random things. And chasing non-existent mice.

Me: And I'll attack other people....who are dressed as dogs.