Here's a conversation I was a part of the other day at rehearsal:
90lb, 5'7 Blonde woman:
Ugh, Gawd...I feel totally bloated today. I had like seven M&M's! Can you believe that? Seven! I really need to learn self-control.
Me:
(Remains silent. Hides my Snickers bar behind my back)
90.5lb, 5'6 woman:
Yeah, I know what you mean. Just be sure to eat a salad with no dressing tonight for dinner.
90lb, 5'7 Blonde woman:
But I don't like tomatoes, cucumbers or carrots.
90.5lb, 5'6 woman:
So, get your salad without all that.
(They both nod in agreeance)
Me:
So, you're just going to have lettuce for dinner?
90lb, 5'7 Blonde woman:
Yeah. (She shrugs, obviously seeing nothing weird about this)
Me:
Why don't you add some avocado to that? Or tofu. Tofu's healthy.
90lb, 5'7 Blonde woman:
Um, ew. Carbs.
Me:
Tofu's protein. Not carbs. And avocado is nature's miracle food. It's really good for you.
90lb, 5'7 Blonde woman:
Whatever. It's fatty.
Me:
(presses lips together, fighting the urge to make her look like the dumbass she is)
Ok. Enjoy your lettuce.
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3 comments:
I can only say that I'm glad these women are not my target audience when I write.
Thank dog!
Hey Colleen,
what you should do is tell them that lettuce is all water and causes you to gain the much dreaded water weight and the only way to get rid of that is to drink a mixture of half apple vinegar and half olive oil.... mwa-ha-ha... that will actually clean out your system... but it'll send you to the bathroom for the better part of two days.
I just wanted to drop you a line. It seems my email has been dropping emails again. I just found out I missed a few which is more than a little annoying, since I sent out friggin queries on Friday!!!! Only four, but still, if it drops any of the returns, I won't even be able to check for a number of weeks.
I'm going to switch over to gmail for the rest of my queries - but if you've sent anything that I haven't responded to it's probably because I didn't get it.
Take care and I'll talk to you later.
I.Hate.Women.Like.Her.
I also feel some pity, but it's mostly hate.
You're a better woman than I am.
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